Getting Report Card Reactions Right: Advice for Parents

Right Approaches to Report Cards for Parents Nowadays, families make intense material and moral efforts related to academic success to provide a good future for their children. This situation leads to increased expectations from their children regarding their studies. The report card is seen as one of the most concrete manifestations of this expectation. However, be careful! Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz from Acibadem Maslak Hospital states: "When families have mobilized all their resources like this, they sometimes perceive poor grades as an injustice to themselves, may become angry saying 'we did everything, why are these grades still low,' and may perceive it as an attack on themselves and their efforts. Yet a child's academic success emerges as a result of many variables; it is related to the child's cognitive and learning abilities as much as the family environment, their relationship with parents, social relationships, school environment and many other factors can be influential. Therefore, comparisons should not be made between children; each child should be evaluated according to their own potential and circumstances," he states. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz notes that poor report cards need to be approached correctly just as successful ones do, and explained four key tips to parents on the right approach, providing important warnings and recommendations.

Recommendations for the Right Approach to Poor Report Cards

Avoid Hurtful Expressions

Grades do not provide negative information about a child's intelligence, skills or personality. They only point to weak subjects. Therefore, avoid generalizing weaknesses on the report card and using sharp language. Definitely avoid expressions that would hurt the child's personality such as 'You'll never amount to anything,' 'You're lazy,' which would reduce their confidence and self-respect. Such treatment does not motivate the child; instead, it leads them to feel worthless and incompetent, and causes them to emotionally distance themselves from the family. Similarly, emotionally harmful, demeaning language and physical punishment such as 'You upset us greatly,' 'You wasted our efforts' deeply affects the child and backs them into a corner.

Establish a roadmap

Review your own attitudes toward the past period. Was the child interfered with too much, did the child feel alone, or was the child prevented from doing things by being overprotected without realizing it? Therefore, try to understand the message of the report card correctly by thinking "What is my child trying to tell us with this report card?" Have a conversation with your child that both acknowledges a problem and seeks solutions, such as: "I think you had a difficult year. The results didn't turn out the way you wanted. Actually, we know you can do better. But what happened, what went wrong, what was difficult for you (if you have a hypothesis about why the poor grades occurred, share that), let's understand together and find a way forward, because this shouldn't be this way." This will motivate the child and prevent them from feeling helpless.

Send the message that it can be fixed

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz states: "Now we're entering a new year, let's make good use of summer, you rest, clear your mind, play your games, but next year we'll support you too; you'll do your best, we know you wanted to bring home a good report card. This year it happened this way but you can fix it next year. Next year you'll do your best," and with such approaches, make the child feel that they have the option to compensate and repair.

Motivate them

Ignoring a poor report card is also not right. Because it leads to a feeling of not being valued in the child. However, strengthening through positive aspects empowers the child. Therefore, have strengthening conversations with the child such as: "Look, last year your report card had grades like this, that means inside you there is the ability to get good grades, this time it didn't happen but this ability is inside you and you can use this power again and get good grades, and we'll support you in this direction."

Four Recommendations for the Right Approach to Successful Report Cards

Don't Shower Them with Rewards

Excessive praise and drowning your successful child who has received a commendation certificate with rewards is one of the biggest mistakes to make. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz states: "Children should not be overwhelmed with large rewards. While an age-appropriate and reasonable report card gift is extremely encouraging for the child, very large rewards can create a feeling in the child as if they received those grades for their parents, making it harder for the child to own the feeling that their study responsibility belongs to them." On the other hand, Neil Serem Yılmaz emphasizes that if a promise was previously made to the child as a report card gift, it must definitely be kept. "Promises that are not kept or cannot be kept without good explanation can create disappointment in the child and a feeling of distrust regarding the promises given by parents," he states.

Avoid Perfectionism

Don't minimize and overlook your child's effort and success. Be sure to recognize it and give a small reward to support their emotional development. Be sure to avoid perfectionist approaches. Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz warns: "It is extremely important to stay away from perfectionist attitudes and extreme statements. A perfectionist attitude such as 'All your grades are 100, why is this grade 95' can create a feeling in the child that their effort is not seen and more is always being demanded."  

Don't Apply Labels of Giftedness

Don't attach labels such as 'gifted' to your child and enter into very high expectations from the child. Because this can create a pressure element for children. Difficulties such as performance anxiety or exam anxiety related to losing current success can develop. Statements such as 'My child is very successful, they will get into this program, this university' crush children under this burden and lead them to experience intense stress. Not only does it fail to help their academic performance, it can actually cause regression.

Don't Make Comparisons

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Neil Serem Yılmaz states: "A sibling with a good report card or even a commendation certificate should definitely not be held as an example to a sibling with a poor report card. Such a comparison causes more harm than good. By creating intense competition and jealousy between children, it can damage the relationship between siblings, while also creating a feeling that the parent doesn't love them for this reason, leading to a feeling of loneliness," he conveys.